Destroy Me
by crescentdarnel
Summary: The screen blurred in front of her face, probably because she had spent too much time staring at it. She wasn't sure, really. It could have been hours, or minutes. Her therapist told her that this would happen. Obviously he would try to contact her, and as long as it wasn't an actual meeting, her therapist even told her to accept his advances, if only to get closure. AU.


_Author's Note: I'm working on another chapter of my story_ Just breathe _when this popped into my head. Sorry, I couldn't not write it._

 _I'm still having problems responding, yet not reading, reviews, and thank you for your ongoing support. I see them, trust me._

 _I hope you like it._

The screen blurred in front of her face, probably because she had spent too much time staring at it. She wasn't sure, really. It could have been hours, or minutes.

 _James Potter would like to add you on Skype._

She stared. She blinked. Tears formed in her eyes.

It didn't vanish.

Suddenly she moved, snapping her laptop shut and throwing herself against the headboard of her bed. It smashed into the wall with a bang, probably leaving a mark. In that moment, she didn't mind. Maybe Mary would come in to check if she was alright, but she didn't.

Her therapist told her that this would happen. Obviously he would try to contact her, and as long as it wasn't an actual meeting, her therapist even told her to accept his advances, if only to get closure.

She was openly crying now. She couldn't do it, she couldn't respond to this man who had ruined her.

She also knew that she shouldn't think like that. She needed to move forward, continue her life and make it through the next few years of University life.

After that, she would take it as it came.

Slowly, she opened the bedroom door, doing a quick search for Mary, who wasn't home apparently. Her keys weren't hanging next to the door and her favourite shoes didn't lie in the doorway.

She swallowed. This was a good thing, she reminded herself. She didn't want Mary to see her like this.

But she also had the overwhelming urge to talk to someone.

With trembling hands, she pulled out her phone, calling her therapist. It went straight to voicemail.

 _Hello, you have reached the private phone of Minerva McGonagall. I appear not to be there. If it is an emergency, please try my office or my colleague, Albus Dumbledore._

The voice continued to give two numbers that Lily had gotten all too familiar with in the last few months, even though she had never called either of them. This time she, again, hung up the phone, sighing as she placed it on the kitchen table. It was useless anyway. Her therapist would tell her that she needed to accept him. And if she was uncomfortable with direct communication, face to face, they could always just write a few messages. No pressure, with Lily in control.

She walked back into the bedroom, reopening her laptop. Seeing that she had a couple of mails, she opened them up, most of them junk. Then she opened a new mail, writing to her sister in hope for a response. As she was already at it, she sent another one to her mother, wishing her an early happy birthday. It was three months away.

Sighing, she instead opened a Word Document and started on an essay for her English Class that wasn't due for another few weeks. Then she pulled up an e-book she had read somewhere that Seniors had to read. She was a Freshman.

She was procrastinating, and she knew it, but she fought her way through the couple of first pages of the book, but finally she was too bored.

Carefully, she clicked on the Skype Symbol on the bottom of the page, and almost recoiled at the all too familiar name.

She breathed in and out. She could do this. She had gotten so much stronger in the last few months, she wasn't the naive little girl anymore.

When Mary came home almost an hour later and popped her head in to greet her, the power of her laptop had gone off, with Lily curled as a ball before it.

"Are you alright?" Mary had the pity-concerned look on her face that her parents had adopted, too.

Lily turned her head toward her for a moment before smiling at her tiredly.

"Yeah. Tough English essay, I wasn't getting anywhere with it and then I fell asleep, I think."

Mary smiled, apparently relieved. "Great! Shall we go eat?"

Even though Mary was a Senior and Lily a Freshman, they lived together in a small flat and they ate in the Eating Hall (or something) like everyone else. After having transferred here only a few months ago, Lily was happy she could already tell which food was good and which wasn't, especially because it hadn't really mattered in her first few weeks here.

Today, she wasn't very hungry either.

Marlene, Mary's best friend who either tolerated or adored Lily, depending on her mood, joined them at their usual table, Marlene happily chatting away about some guy that had given her 'the eyes' in one of her lessons, which had got to mean something, right?

Lily made an effort to eat, if only to regain some weight in order to calm down her parents. It worked quite well by now, as the constant nonsense rambling of her neighbours calmed her down. She could concentrate on some hot boy that sat in some class and caught someone's eye one time. Hell, she should. She was in University after all, she should be focusing on boys and wondering about her future. The thought calmed her further, so far she could actually laugh when Marlene didn't notice that a boy, one of the boys in question, was standing right behind her. By the time she turned, he had a dumb folded look on his (actually quite handsome) face. Marlene spluttered up some food while Mary and Lily were laughing. It felt good, especially because the muscles in her face hadn't been used for a genuine smile in what felt like forever. Mary gave her a surprised-but-pleased look, which wasn't all bad either. She often regretted telling Mary why exactly she did what she did, because she could often sense being watched, but Mary kept quiet, and Lily could confine in her, so maybe it wasn't all bad.

After dinner, Lily truly started some homework, this time on paper. She couldn't stand that traitorous Skype icon on her laptop, so paper and pen would have to do. Then she buried herself in a book from her ever-growing shelf, sighing and smiling at the knowledge that another day had passed without a total break-down.

She slipped under her covers, breathing deeply, and relaxed into her pillows with the fictional Universe before her.

The next day, she got up early for her first lesson, getting through it by only almost falling asleep on the table, which was a great accomplishment at eight o'clock.

After class, she went to the library, her favourite place apart from her room and one of the only places she actually got work done.

On her way back she stopped for coffee, breathing in the heavenly scent of caffeine around her when a man came up behind her.

"What is a young girl like you doing on her own? Don't you have a fellow?"

She turned. The young man (or boy?) wasn't unattractive, made even more handsome by the way his cocky grin almost immediately wavered at her expression.

"Sorry, I – I didn't mean to be disrespectful. You're just really pretty and I – I was wondering if I could pay for your coffee."

 _I'm sorry. You're just really pretty, you know? No, not pretty, beautiful. You're just so beautiful, and I was wondering, no, hoping that you would let me get you a drink._

One hand in his hair, sheepish grin on his face.

She wrenched away as quickly as humanly possible. "No. No, no. Please leave me alone, please! Don't – don't do this to me again, please!"

The young man's eyes went wide. "Oh, God! I didn't mean it like that, I was just trying to be nice... Calm down, you're shaking."

He reached one hand toward her, probably to steady her, but she moved away as quickly as humanly possible. "Don't touch me, please. It's not your fault, but please, leave me be."

She turned on the spot, rushing toward the exit, tears streaming down her face, but she didn't stop or wiped them away. Her vision was blurry as she raced toward her room, fumbling with her key and quickly hoping that Mary wasn't here. She wasn't, thank God.

Lily collapsed on her bed, now sobbing without halt, tears falling onto her bag and trousers.

How much had he ruined for her? When would she be able to talk to a nice young man again, without freaking out?

According to her therapist, the first step was definitely closure, so she breathed in and out, opening her laptop and calling up Skype, hesitating only for a second before pressing _Accept._

 _Lily Evans has shared contact details with James Potter._

Her breathing was shallow as a small notification showed up at the edge of the screen.

 _New Message._

At this exact moment, several video messages went up on the James Potter profile of her laptop.

Breathless, she read the small text that came with them.

 _These are for you._


End file.
